Motivation-part 2

When I want to know what motivates a client or a flute student (or myself), generally the first question I ask is: what are their goals? Stated another way, why do they exercise (or take flute lessons)? An agenda or desire is always behind an action. And the initial agenda isn't the only one. Behind the first agenda is another layer, behind that one yet another; there are many levels, flavors, shapes to peoples' desires. Nor are desires necessarily complementary; often they conflict with each other. Agendas can cause big trouble if they're hidden, especially the conflicting ones. Like competitive siblings, they all clamor for attention. For some people, negative attention is better than no attention at all. Some people will want any kind of attention even the negative kind because being ignored is the ultimate hurt.

Agendas can change. The reasons behind strong desires usually have to do with peoples' beliefs and attitudes. Those attitudes are often shaped by the family they grew up, the times, culture and environment and sometimes even the region where they lived.

Think about your own reasons for exercising. What was your original reason to start a work-out program? Is that reason still your primary motivation today? I would guess it's not. What drives you now? Once you've identified your reasons, you'll want to ask what does the reason stand for? What does it symbolize?

For instance, if your original reason for exercising is because you want to lose 20lbs for your up-coming college reunion, then I would ask you, what does being 20lbs lighter for your college reunion symbolozie to you? Does it mean that you're still attractive? Still young? Look the same as you did in college? And then I would ask you, well, how will you feel if you in fact lose the 20lbs and go to the college reunion? Will you feel sexy? Handsome? Attractive? Popular? Successful? Professional? Would you need people to notice your body and compliment you? Then I may ask you if you did lose the 20lbs, went to the college reunion, had a great time and got the psychological goodies you wanted, how will you feel after the college reunion is all finished? Will you continue to exercise? Keep the weight off or put the weight back on? Still feel the same as at the reunion?

You can use this progression for any desire you have in life. What's your initial reason for your identified desire. Keep digging-what does the reason symbolize? Keep digging-how will you feel if you achieve this desire? Keep digging-how will you feel after the desire has been met?
And this is the simplified version!

Yes, you have a new job. You've just become a psychological archaeologist. Or should we call that a forensic psychological archaeologist. Wow, that's a mouthful. Betcha you didn't know there was such a job.

Of course you don't have to ask yourself any of these questions. Most folks don't want to go digging around in their psyches. Most folks are plenty scared of what they'll find hidden in the crevices of their minds. If they do go poking around, they're not inclined to share what they've found. We have this funny idea that we're all so unique in our shadow sides-the parts of ourselves which we think aren't very nice or civilized. Some of us will hire professionals (i.e. therapists) to help us sort through the dark places. Great idea! That's well beyond the scope of this post. We've already gone down the rabbit hole. Let's get back to broad daylight.

Why do you exercise? Ask yourself the question and see what pops up. Good questions are like fine wine or fine tea or fine chocolate: they're to be savored and enjoyed to the end. And perhaps you'll uncover your motivations in the process.

In health and loving great questions,

Laura